Written by Morgan Truce
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Wednesday, 26 October 2005

image for Paris Hilton Recovering From Accident
"Did they get my picture?"

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) Doctors at San Francisco General Hospital are now giving Paris Hilton a better than 50% chance of making a full recovery from her accident earlier in the week. "We are confident that scarring will be minimal. The dental surgery to replace six teeth is scheduled for this afternoon."

Meanwhile, the operator of the cable car that dragged Paris Hilton for several blocks up a steep hill has been suspended pending a full investigation. Various eyewitness accounts agree on several key points.

"I saw Paris Hilton trying to get on the crowded cable car," says Pat Adams of the Castro District. "There was some kind of a camera crew on the cable car just taking pictures of the city sights. Then this red sports car comes to a screeching stop and Paris Hilton jumps out of the car and starts running after the cable car. I heard her screaming, "Here I am, here I am. Take my picture!' She grabbed for the cable car but couldn't pull herself onboard. I think her sleeve got caught on something and she just got dragged along for a couple blocks before the guy operating the car noticed what was going on."

Outside the hospital, a crowd of Paris Hilton fans stood quietly waiting for any new word about her condition. "We hope Paris is OK," said a group of teenaged girls.

In Hollywood, Paris Hilton's publicity agent was busy trying to make the most of the unfortunate situation. "Miss Hilton will have to miss several photo opportunities, but we are planning to try and make a short documentary about Paris Hilton's hospital stay, We are sure that all of America will be interested in that. We have several people working on a series of decorator bandages for Paris to wear."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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