Written by Cuff
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Thursday, 22 April 2010

image for Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson Engaged for: 'Dances With Werewolves'
Ooohh I ate too much anyone gotta tums?

Taking full advantage of their type casting Hollywood's favorite couple has signed up to do the remake of Kevin Costner's best film.

'Dances With Werewolves' has Rob playing Lieutenant John Goodbar who is turned by a vampire on a civil war battlefield than uses his immortality to drive the rebel devils mad. As a reward, or to get rid of him, he is assigned to escort the Donner Party on their ill fated journey and that is when the fun begins.

Kristen plays Pokedahauntus a white woman that hooked up with a pack of mysterious Ute shape shifters where she passes herself from buck to buck like a deerfly at a cattle auction. The Ute's follow the pioneer's wagon train and use their wench to lure Mr. Goodbar away so the hungry beasties can feast on the trapped schmucks. Goodbar is immediately smitten by the vamp (as in floozy) who assures him that she is 'unknown to man'.

Technically she didn't lie but when Goodbar sees 'the mark of the dirty nose' which means 'one too many bucks' he asks about the scar on her nose and finds out she has been poked more times than a medieval fireplace. After having his way with her he rips her throat out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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