Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 9 August 2010

image for Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Momsen, Elizabeth Taylor, and Rip Taylor To Star In "My Mother Was A Taylor, She Sewed My New Blue Jeans"
Lulu Lickler's Pub in Soho where Eric Burdon and his bandmates used to hang out.

HOLLYWOOD - A spokesperson for Candlelight Motion Pictures in association with Sand Castle Pictures and Lionsface Studios has announced that they will soon begin production on the Salvo Classacotti film My Mother Was A Taylor She Sewed My New Blue Jeans.

Classacotti said that the film will star Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Momsen, Elizabeth Taylor, and Rip Taylor.

The film is based on the life and times of the British band The Animals who hailed from Newcastle Upon Tyne.

Taylor Lautner will portray Eric Burdon, who was the band's lead singer. Taylor Swift will portray his on-again, off-again girlfriend Bunny "Freckles" Willingshire, who helped Burdon write three of his biggest hits but was never given artistic credit.

Taylor Momsen will star as Willingshire's lesbian lover, Amanda "Lips of Love" Huntingham, who helped Willingshire co-write the lyrics to the songs "House Of The Rising Sun." "It's My Life," "We Gotta Get Out Of This Place," and "House Of The Rising Sun - The STD Years."

Elizabeth Taylor and Rip Taylor will star as married couple Vern and Vernisha Campenfelli, who for many years actually sewed all of the band's blue jeans, shirts, socks, and underwear.

Vernisha once spent over 80 man hours sewing a pair of shorts for Mama Cass, the hefty 493 pound gal singer of the California folk band The Mamas and The Papas.

Vern Campenfelli in 1971, was cleared of all charges that he had molested three members of the band Herman's Hermits. It was brought out that the person who was actually responsible looked a lot like Vern except that he was black, had a large ZZ Top type beard, and was a 3 foot 5 inch midget.

SIDENOTE: The film will be shot in Calcutta, India, which will double as London, England. The films producer Salvo Classacotti said that they will build exact replicas of the Tower Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, the house where Camilla Parker-Bowles was born, Lulu Lickler's Pub, and the Thames River.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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