Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 10 September 2010

image for Kristen Stewart, Vanessa Hudgens, Miley Cyrus, and Selena Gomez To Star In "Intimate Secrets of The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders"
Four of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders who will have parts in the upcoming movie.

HOLLYWOOD - Noted producer/director Fanton Brasshorn has just announced that he will shortly begin filming on his new movie entitled Intimate Secrets of The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Brasshorn purchased the book rights from noted sports author Evelyn Lindelyn Saltbush who last year won the highly coveted Sequoia Tree Award for her novel Love Among The Boulders of Boulder.

Appearing in Brasshorn's movie will be Kristen Stewart, Vanessa Hudgens, Miley Cyrus, and Selena Gomez. All four will be portraying Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Stewart will star as Sandy Mandy St. Saginaw, who moves to Dallas after she is involved in a major banking scandal in her home town of Duluth, Minnesota.

Vanessa Hudgens will portray Anna Lana Muftinberger, who was born in Boston, raised in Baltimore, and got married in Buffalo. Muftinberger's ex-husband, Luther Muftinberger, who is an avid fisherman, had made her get a tattoo of a rainbow trout on her bikini line.

Two days before their second wedding anniversary Anna Lana left him and moved down to Texas.

Miley Cyrus will star as Billie Millie Peterpanger, who tried out to be an NBA Los Angeles Laker Girl but was rejected due to her grand theft auto charge in Santa Monica.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: In all fairness to Miss Peterpanger, the GTA charges were dropped when she paid a lawyer $2,000 to make them go away.]

And Selena Gomez will be portraying Lolita Jolita Chavez Ravine, a girl who was born in Seattle but who hitchhiked down to Fort Worth in 2009, to visit her high school volleyball coaches ex-husband.

Brasshorn says that the movie will have a lot of surprises including a scene in which several of the cheerleaders grab team owner Jerry Jones and toss him in the cheerleaders shower stall wearing nothing but his Cowboy boxer shorts and they all learn that Mr. Jones wears a toupee.

SIDENOTE: The movie will have its world wide premier in Monterrey, Mexico, where reportedly the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are even more popular than all of Mexico's bullfighters put together.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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