Soon to be 50 and quite willing to admit he isn't too bright, urban hermit, part time Spoof writer and permanent curmudgeon, P.M. Wortham reveals that he has no freaking idea who Robert Pattinson or Kristin Stewart are, or why their names garner as much attention as they do in the press.
While at dinner, Wortham's teenage daughters were quick to point out that he was simply "too old to know anything", while texting each other from opposite sides of the table and having a laugh at his expense. "Twilight", they said. "Haven't you heard of Twilight?" Wortham looked downward towards the uneven and knotted grain of their pine dining table, coming to the immediate and embarrassing conclusion that he was perhaps, dare he even think, that he was no longer "hip" to the scene.
As was his custom, Wortham attempted to turn the situation around through humor, as if that would somehow remove some of the sting of old age, and knowing he was no longer "cool" in the eyes of his children. He sat quietly for a moment, stirring circles into his dwindling mound of mashed potatoes with a three pronged fork, then mustered his best one-liner.
"Hey, you know what else is making headlines?" The two young women glanced at each other, knowing what was about to come, but they mercifully responded, "No, dad. What else is making headlines?".
"Corduroy Pillows", Wortham responded.
The room fell silent. Mrs. Wortham groaned three seconds later but the girls sat quietly, looking at each other with facial expressions that said, "I know that was supposed to be a punch line, but I still don't get it". Only then did it occur to Wortham, that he had made a reference to something else old, a fabric that his daughters would have had no experience with, Fashionistas as they might be.
Wortham reportedly retreated to the library, donning his cardigan and slippers whilst grabbing the latest copy of "Woodshop Magazine" from the mail table. He was heard grumbling as his feet shuffled across the oak planking of the hallway, "Robert Pattinson indeed".