Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 21 April 2010

image for Kate Gosselin's Butt Gets Booted Off of Dancing With The Stars But It Will Appear In PlayMister Magazine
Kate Gosselin's lipstick lips which she left on Bruno Tonioli's butt, but to no avail.

CHICAGO - Like the old Lithuanian saying goes, 'when one door closes another one opens.' And Kate Gosselin is proof of that.

No sooner had "King Kate" gotten her Pennsylvania puckeroo kicked off the dancing reality show when her cell phone rang with good news.

Walter Vetterhoose, the publisher of PlayMister Mens Magazine, based in Chicago, personally called her and offered to provide her with a ten-page nude photo spread layout.

Vetterhoose promised Gosselin that it would be done with taste, tact, and truthfulness. Kate asked him what he meant by truthfulness and he said that nothing would be airbrushed.

Kate smiled and said that there is nothing on her body that needs to be airbrushed. She paused and then added that she would appreciate it if they could uninvert both of her inverted nipples.

Vetterhoose said that it would not be a problem and that if she wanted they could also make her labia majora look tighter than it actually is. Kate said that it would be fine by her.

He then told her that they could also make her G-spot look much prettier than it really is. Again Kate agreed that she was okay with that.

Vetterhoose, who is married to a former Miss Rhode Island, said that the only thing that he did not want to change was to airbrush out the three cute little freckles that form a triangle on her labia minora.

Kate asked if she could keep her landing strip and she was told that the landing strip could stay as is.

This will make the third time that Kate Gosselin has appeared in PlayMister.

In other news. Lots of viewers have noticed that American Idol's Kara DioGuardi is not throwing herself all over Simon Cowell like she had been the previous five weeks. An inside source says that the reason is because Cowell's fiancee Mezhgan Hussainy, an ex Afghani freedom fighter, confronted Kara in one of the shows ladies rooms and told her that if she continues to openly flirt with her future husband she will take a pearing knife and cut off both of her nipples.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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