Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 21 April 2010

image for Dancing With The Stars: "Graceless" Kate Gosselin is Going, Going, Gone!
A photo of Pickles, the Gosselin family's gay cat.

HOLLYWOOD - Pamela Anderson found herself in Dancing With The Stars bottom two again. But she managed to get by as the American viewers voted to send Kate "The Statue" Gosselin back to her Reading, Pennsylvania home.

When her name was announced as the one going home, Kate was so overcome with sadness that for the first time in her life she was speechless. Even her dancing partner Tony Dovolani could not believe that Kate could not speak.

Tony told host Tom Bergeron that Mrs. Gosselin showed that she is not just a pretty face who can pop out kids like she's making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Kate giggled and remarked that no knows but popping out six kids at once is a lot harder than going to the moon, eating soup with chopsticks, or trying to get a word in edgewise with Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter.

Tony thanked Kate for allowing him into the basement of her home and also for locking the door behind them so that her eight brats would leave them alone.

Kate said that she could have danced better but she had to take care of the children's needs, cleaning the house, and talking to dozens of banks about trying to get a loan so that she can buy her eight kids the basic things that they need like socks, underwear, video games, tambourine lessons, and food.

Tony confided to Tom Bergeron backstage and away from Kate that Kate's kids are the most ill-mannered, disrespectful, badly behaved kids that he has ever seen. He said that one of the sextuplets, Hannah Joy thought that it would be funny to set fire to the family cat Pickles.

Tony said that Hannah stopped laughing when Pickles jumped up on her lap and caught her lap on fire. Luckily for her three of the male sextuplets Aeden Jonathan, Collin Thomas, and Joel Kevin saw that Hannah was on fire and they quickly ran to her and peed on her quickly extinguishing the flames.

SIDENOTE: Kate was asked what she would be taking away from her appearance on Dancing With The Stars. Mrs. Gosselin dabbed her tears and replied, "A check for $200,000."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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