In what is called foreshadowing a frantic Kate Gosselin chose 'Don't Forget About Me' on 'Dancing with the Stars' and her abysmal performance has forced her into drastic measures.
Kate's disgusted partner, Tony Divamona, slammed on the child ditcher claiming her lackluster performance reminded him of his days as a gigolo when he was an instructor at Arthur Murray. "Dancing with that bitch makes me feel as though I have a coat hanger up my ass."
The duo was slammed by all of the judges who rated her higher than Obama's approval rank but well below what it will take to stay on the show. The only reason we bring the finger point prez up is that a depressed Kate blamed her crappy performance on her children instead of her ineptness.
"It really hurt that these judges can't see my performance as it is. If it wasn't for my kids coming to visit this week everything would have been fine."
It is hard to get past the part where a woman with no talent whatsoever abandons eight children in order to become a celebrity prostitute and then blames them for her failure. In astrophysics terms we can classify her as a 'pink dwarf' which is a burned out star that was never bright enough to sustain life in the first place.
Kate seemed inspired when we explained that she was voted 'most likely to disappear from the face of the spoof planet' and vowed to take corrective measures. She solicited the aid of Dr. Tomas Jam who bills himself as the 'podiatrist to the stars' and he immediately identified her problem and surgery was performed.
A right foot from an orangutan was grafted to replace one of the twin left feet she was born with.