HOLLYWOOD - In an unprecedented move Dancing With The Stars has fined British judge Len Goodman $4,000 for wearing what they said to be the most gawd-awfullest shirt in the history of shirts.
Bernadette Penderlicki, the show's executive producer, remarked that when she saw Goodman's shirt she immediately went up to him and told him to run off backstage to his dressing room and find another shirt to put on.
Goodman balked saying that the bright pink shirt with the even brighter pink sleeves and collar was a gift from his 102-year-old mother Margaret Matilda Goodman.
Penderlecki replied that she did not care if it had been a gift from Winston Churchill himself, she wanted for him to change the ugly-looking thing.
DWTS Producer Curtis Verflippet walked up to Len and said, "Now looky here ya crotchety old bloke. Lemmy puts it to ya in English terms old chap. We want ya ta get your slimey limey arse back ta your blitherin' dressin' room and take dat dufferistic gobsmackingly bloomin baboon's bottom of a shirt off now. Because if ya duzzn't we'll bloody well 'ave ya arrested and sends ya old geezerly crikey bum back to Soho, or Upper Tooting, or wherever da 'ell you're from mate!"
Goodman got a puzzled look on his face and said "Upper Tooting? I'll 'ave ya know dat I hail from Bethal Green, East London old chum. And ya be doin' yaself a right nice favor ta not get me English dander up or you'll be talkin to a mad Englishmen with some bad teeth you will; and I will bite your Yankee bum ya fickle flounderin' non-gent jackass before you can even say Chezza."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: 'Chezza' is the nickname of the estranged wife of British football (soccer) player Ashley Cole. Mrs. Cole is a lovely, luscious, 5 foot 3 inch English lass, who many have said is the new girlfriend of Dancing With The Stars dancer, Dapper Derek (Hough) the Dancing Dude.]