HOLLYWOOD - Taxes are certain. Ann Coulter's sarcasm is certain. Peyton Manning touchdown passes are certain.
And another thing that is certain is that Kate Gosselin, aka "King Kate," aka "Madam Obnoxious," aka "Graceless" Gosselin will not end up getting the 2010 Dancing With The Stars mirror ball trophy, unless she steals it from Pussy Cat Doll Nicole Scherzinger's home.
Kate Gosselin has shown for the past few weeks that she is living proof that a person does not have to have an ounce of talent to get on national television.
Gosselin's, real only claim to fame is having shot out, of her humongous hooha, six babies in rapid succession.
And that in actuality is no really amazing feat since California's OctoMom Nadya Suleman managed to shoot out eight of the little darlin's in about three minutes and 18 seconds.
And yes, Nadya's crotch cookie did swell up to the size of a large pepperoni pizza, but through exercise, mental determination, and one of the greatest pudendal plastic surgeons in Pakistan, Suleman's secondary lips were able to be restored to their original size in just under two weeks at an affordable cost of $7,000 or what "Graceless" Kate Gosselin spent on recent hair extensions.
Gosselin and her dancing partner Tony (St. Tony) Dovolani finished in last place with a dismal score of 15 out of 30. So unless the folks at ABC can some how lasso about two million votes, it appears that Jon Gosselin's ex-wife may be headed back to Brat City and tons and tons of dirty laundry, toys in the toilets, and crayon marks on the pets.
In other news. Canada, Greenland, Wales, and Costa Rica have all filed lawsuits against Iceland due to damages from Iceland's damn effen volcano.