BLACKBURN, West Lothian - Susan Boyle's management agency has just announced that Miss Boyle has cancelled each one of her upcoming 32 scheduled Australian concerts.
SuBo apparently only recently learned of the ongoing dreaded Kangaroo Pocket Epidemic that is currently affecting 98 percent of Australia.
Australian game authorities state that the Kangaroo Pocket Epidemic first started in January, just outside of Newcastle, and only involved about 27 kangaroos. And then within two months it has managed to spread up the coast to Brisbane, and it now is believed to include about 38,000 kangaroos.
Llewellyn Lancastershire, 63, chief game warden for the Newcastle Wild Game Department pointed out that what is happening is that the older adult male kangaroos are picking the pockets of younger male and female kangaroos and replacing the valuables they take with unprocessed outback mud, which is seethingly teeming with dozens of unclassified bacteria.
This unclassified bacteria in turn causes the toenails of the kangaroos to fall off leaving their toes unprotected.
The unprotected toes are then bitten by the Australian Aboriginal dung beetles, who deposit minute bits of dung on the nail-less toes. This in turn causes the kangaroos to become bipolar due to the unbounded and unbridled stress factor element.
This unprecedented Kangaroo Pocket Epidemic has caused SuBo to cancel her entire Australian concert schedule and return to her home in Blackburn, West Lothian, in Scotland.
Miss Boyle says that it will give her an opportunity to tend to her cat Peebles, her prized petunias, her laundry, and her somewhat out-of-control temper.
In other news. America's first lady, known as First Mama Obama confided to Barbara Walters that she can hardly wait to start wearing sleeveless blouses and dresses again to totally upset, anger, and basically piss of the GOP members of the news media.