Written by Kenneth Manboobs
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Friday, 28 January 2005

image for Judge in Michael Jackson case sets rules
Inadmissible per rule #3

Santa Maria, CA - As the sideshow of the century prepares to set up tent in southern California this week, the ringleader and Judge laid down the law. The sideshow in question would be none other than the trial of Mr. Michael Jackson.

Facing accusations of child molestation, and just being plain freaky, Jackson and his team of lawyers received a memorandum of "rules" that will be enforced by Superior Court Judge Rodney Melville.

Upon hearing that there would be strict rules, Jackson reportedly was overcome with joy. "He went on about how ‘this is exactly like' the games he plays," said one source. Another Jackson confidant made it clear that the gloved one might not completely grasp the significance of what is about to take place. "The whole ‘rules' thing today totally threw him off. He said he wanted to prepare for the rules by playing Chutes and Ladders because he was ‘sure it had rules'. It got pretty messy. The game ended after Michael licked the color off of one of the children on the game board."

The list of rules set down by Judge Melville should indeed set a rigid standard for how the trial will proceed. Melville was quoted as saying that he didn't "want the whole thing to turn into a circus." Although he did later admit it his fondness for the cotton candies and the funnel cakes found on the circus midways.

In order to keep the trail running in an orderly fashion, and so that justice will be fairly served, the Judge ordered the following standing rules for the duration of the trial:

1. No poppin' or lockin'
2. Choreography limited on witness stand
3. The album Off the Wall is inadmissible as evidence
4. Jury will be allowed to moonwalk
5. Lisa Marie Presley references allowed, Bubbles the chimp references not allowed
6. Any party mentioning Tito will be held in contempt of court
7. To avoid wardrobe malfunctions, Justin Timberlake will not be allowed within 100 feet of the courthouse. Sorry Justin.
8. No gold plated catchers leggings

With the law laid down Jackson's defense team will surely be handcuffed, but they wow to come out swinging like Joe Jackson in a room full of child stars.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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