Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 23 April 2010

image for Cheryl Cole, Sarah Harding, and Pixie Lott To Star In "The British Birds" The Story of Petula Clark, Marianne Faithfull, and Cilla Black
The place in London about which Petula Clark referred to in her hit song "I Know A Place."

LONDON - Famed motion picture producer Duffy Bayou-Gauche has just announced that he will soon start production on the film The British Birds, which is the true story of British female singers Petula Clark, Marianne Faithfull, and Cilla Black.

Bayou-Gauche said that he is lucky to have signed Sarah Harding to portray Petula Clark, Cheryl Cole to star as Marianne Faithful, and Pixie Lott in the part of Cilla Black.

The noted producer said that the movie is taken from the accounts of two books, Sing Song by Pamela St. Lionsteen, and London's Lovely Lyrical Lasses by Walpole and Garside Hapgood.

He stressed that the movie will be R rated and it will contain some shocking revelations about the three English songstresses.

Bayou-Gauche pointed out that he will touch on Petula's Clark obsession with red M&M's. He stated that she would only eat the red ones and throw the other colored ones away.

He will also show that Pet, as she was called by many of her close friends, relatives, and maids, used to for some unknown reason wear her bras inside out. Clark would later reveal in her autobiography I Know A Right Nice Place And It's Downtown By The Subway Innit? that she would never let a bloke (guy) get to first base on the first date.

The blonde native of Surrey used to say that she had a mathematical equation worked out. The first date, no bases. The second date, first base. The third date, second base. The fourth date third base. The fifth date third base. And the sixth date, a damn friggin home run.

Marianne Faithfull, a native of Hampstead London, was quite the superstitious one. Whenever she would go on a concert tour, she would always wear the same pair of panties for the entire length of the tour.

Faithfull would also never eat any type of food with the letter "F" in it. She said that her favorite number was 2,489, which was somewhat odd.

And her favorite Beatle was Ringo Starr because of his immensely large fingers which Marianne said could tickle her belly button from the inside.

Cilla Black, the lass from Liverpool, was very good friends with all of the Beatles. Rumor has it that she had St. Louis Cardinal knowledge of each of the four lads from Liverpool.

Cilla Black wrote in her autobiography entitled Cilla Black, My Musical Black Days and White Knights, that she wanted Paul McCartney to father her child. But Paul refused saying that he did not want to have a half-Black baby.

SIDENOTE: The movie should be out in late July during London's Fish and Chips Festival and Parade.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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