Written by Trip Nasti
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for SuBo-a-GoGo
The love child of Admiral Ackbar and a breeze block destined for fame thanks to Uglies

Way back in the 50's and 60's, it wasn't that uncommon for a complete munter to be a chart success. The music buying community back then weren't as caught up in the aesthetics of a person, like we are today, and concentrated more on how they sounded.

Those days have well and truly left the building. Or have they?

Over the past year, the music world has seen a resurgence in ugly people who can sing, perhaps the best known of these being Susan 'Stanley' Boyle.

After her 2009 Britain's Got Talent success, Susan went on to form her very own pop agency for the visually challenged. The agency simply known as, 'Uglies', has proven to be an unprecedented success, flooding the pop world with a veritable cornucopia of whittled turds.

J.J Cockburn, editor and chief of pop music magazine GUFF, has heralded the success of Uglies and sung the praises of SuBo for providing a chance of success to those that would have otherwise been left on the shelf.

But not everyone has welcomed the influx of ugly artists with the same warm enthusiasm.

Gay as Christmas, Pineapple studios art director, Louie Spence has condemned the actions of SuBo and her agency 'Uglies', saying that they are damaging the pristine image of the music industry and was quoted as saying:

"The actions of SuBo and her agency 'Uglies' is damaging the pristine image of the music industry. Sizzling sausages!!"

Although the majority of people seem to tolerate the new wave of music artists, Uglies latest offering, Australian warbling wannabe OzBo, has caused a great deal of anger in the pop community for her, possibly his, blatant disregard for style.

Beauty consultant and spokesperson for the pressure group, P.A.M - Pop-stars Against Mutts, Muriel Spank told us:

"There has to be a line. There simply has to be. Shaznay Lewis straddled that line, SuBo waved goodbye to the line as it vanished in to the distance, but OzBo has eaten the line and bits of it are sticking out from between her mangled teeth. It's sickening! She has the fashion sense of a cross dressing dustman and the face of a shaved scrotum, they should lock her up not give her a recording contract. Perverted is what it is, perverted!"

It is rumoured that SuBo and OzBo will be performing a duet at this years Glastonbury festival. After the success of their rendition of Chaka Demus and Pliers song, 'Tease Me', on Soccer AM last week who could blame them?

The ugliness continues...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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