Written by Kyle Emall

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Topics: cult, information

Thursday, 27 January 2005

image for J.K. Rowlings at the head of Satanic Cult
Rowling shown here dressed in the usual "Devil Black"

IRRP(Investigative Radical Right Press)- Found recently, information leading to a live satanic ritual held by a vile organization known as th DOFB (the Druidic Order of the Fluffy Bunnies). Tracking down this "Order" , the IRRP stumbled into the middle of one of their circle rituals. Here, at the head, was none other than Spoof Writer Jerry Cornelius, appearing with his usual deer caught in the headlights look holding a wand-like stick and a photo of J.K. Rowling. Interrogating the witnesses about Rowlings' and Cornelius' attachment to the cult, they gave thier pre-programed answers of, " This is an Earth-based religion and has nothing to do with Satan", and' " If you don't leave we'll have to call the authorities, this is a private residence." Not giving up, we decided to go directly to the source of the confusion and set an interview with Rowling herself. The following day, this reporter tracked down the hard to reach writer of the famous Potter books at a local hospital where she was "allegedly" giving birth to her third child. This was an obvious rouse to fool the ordinary press and had to somehow connect with lasts nights "Welcome Home" Satan bash held at an undisclosed address, undisclosed for legal reasons at this time out of IRRP control. Upon arrival at the hospital, it was a chaotic scene as dozens of reporters thronged around the "delivery" room of J.K. Rowling. There again at the scene was her accomplice and fellow DOFB member, Jerry Cornelius, who silently lipped to our reporter- "I'm just a fan". Questions flew left and right over her child and her book, but our reporter started right in with the questioning of her relation with satanic cults in the area. Then like a sudden shock from recovery ward, a man rushed in claiming to be Elton John, shoving reporters away from the door like a man "possessed", spattering fowl language like handing out candy on Halloween. Here was an obvious display of Rowling's power over weak minded people, something only occult leaders can display. The reporters quickley disbanded from the area leaving our reporter with no cover, where he was then cornered by the heavy security employed by the hospital, a strapping 73 y.o. Kirwan Shah. Once again J.K. Rowling was able to escape the truth, a truth in which there was undeniable proof given in the last 24 hours. Jerry Cornelius, escaped as well, and is still being searched out for his roll in the previous nights occult activity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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