Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 16 April 2010

image for American Idol Adam Lambert Insures Crotch for $100 Million

Los Angeles, CA - A top London insurers. perhaps best known for its unusual insurance policies on various body parts of the rich and famous, including Tina Turner's legs, Celine Dion's vocal chords, and burlesque stripper, Tempest Storm's breasts, has just announced that it has contracted with singer Adam Lambert to insure Lambert's crotch for $100 Million Dollars.

A spokesperson for the insurance company would not discuss the specifics of the policy other than to state that this policy will help to ensure the safety of Lambert's privates while he is forced to simulate sex acts on stage.

Asked why he decided to take out this insurance policy, Lambert stated that he and his handlers realized the very real risk of Lambert overshooting his thrust into another dancer's face and thereby causing permanent bruising to his member. In addition, they have been advised by Lambert's doctors that excessive thrusting can eventually lead to penile arthritis, a very painful permanent condition.

Trying not to get too personal, Lambert was asked what precautions, if any, he is taking to assure that his crotch will have a long and successful career in show business. A smiling Lambert responded, "You bet I'm protecting this asset," he said while grabbing his crotch. "This fella is getting me way more recognition than my voice ever did. I will be having special cups designed to match my outfits. I can't give out too much information, but suffice it to say, there will be spikes and studs galore."

A spokesperson added, those special cups, together with this insurance policy, will give Adam the peace of mind he needs to just go out on stage and give it his all, no more holding back like at the American Music Awards Show."

When asked why he wasn't insuring his lips also, as they will be used as well in the simulated sex acts, Lambert replied, "Actually, we did insure my lips and my tongue, but for a lot less money. I think each one is only insured for the minimum star coverage of $1,000,000 each. I'll be using the crotch a lot more than the mouth, so it was decided that at this point in time, there was no reason to over-insure those parts." He added, laughing, "don't want to end up insurance poor, you know."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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