Michelle "Bombshell" McGee says in documents filed in her custody battle for her children that she is not a Nazi scumbag.
"I do NOT have a swastika tattoo on me," the alleged mistress of Jesse James said as she quickly drew over her tattoo with a Bic pen. "I do NOT show my children how to Nazi salute. I can proudly say that they learned to salute by the time they were age three from watching my favorite Hitler reels."
Michelle says she was framed by former partner Shane Modica, whom she is joining in the custody bedroom: "The child block magnets spelling 'white power' was NOT of my doing. It was spelled correctly and I haven't learned how to spell that yet. Shane was just trying to make me look good."
Bombshell McGee carried on stating, "I do NOT do any pornography in my house. I have a studio in my garage!" and, "I do NOT do any webcam 'sessions' from my home with my children present. I wait until they're at school or in bed, except when I'm drunk on my ass or strung out on pills."
The latter remark raised eyebrows because it wasn't even a consideration in the custody papers filed by her ex. The paper raised even more eyebrows when she continued:
"I never had sex with Michael Jackson's dead carcus more than once or twice. I've never molested a male under the age of twelve. Alright, I molested a 9 year old female, but that's different. We're the same sex."
The judge's jaw dropped when he read, "I only shoot Heroine on Tuesdays and Thursdays and only shoot Morphine on Mondays Wednesdays, and Fridays. I only do crack on Saturdays and Sundays. I'm not a regular drug user. I use them irregularly."
Ms. McGee further astonished the court by adding, "I only strapped on a dildo and anally assaulted a thirteen year old four or five times. I only slept with fourteen or fifteen of Jesse James' other mistresses, though I really wanted to do more of them. I only asked Sandra Bullock twice.
I only threw hot grease on three school children and only locked Jesse's in dark closets with no food. I only cut that rabbit's head off in front of the children then made them eat the meat because that Playboy bunny wouldn't let me sleep with her. I was on my period that day! I DID have BDSM sex in front of the kids, but that was just to show them that there are alternatives to vanilla sex. I really don't know what all the fuss was about."
The judge read several more pages of her disgusting plea, but the rest was not publishable on TheSpoof.com due to current sensitivity training the reporters have been forced to undergo.