Written by Rob Mattheu
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Topics: wedding, trump

Tuesday, 25 January 2005

image for Trump Enraged After Viewing Results of Target Gift Registry
"I should sic that little red-eyed dog on Kelly Ripa right now!"

Is Donald ready to tell the guests at his wedding, "You're fired?"

Insiders report today that Donald Trump and his new wife Melania Knauss were enraged when Trump's right hand man, George Ross, presented them with a printout of the purchases made from their Target Gift Registry that showed only half of the items had been purchased.

"What is this? Oprah can buy cars for a studio full of guests but can't buy me a Michael Graves toaster?" Trump was reported to have said.

A review of the registry obtained from the popular low price retailer shows that indeed, half the items remain unpurchased, including a Swiffer Wet Jet, a Brita water filter,a simulated oak entertainment center, and a Sunbeam Home Haircutting Kit.

Eddie Snuckworth, a Target employee at the Des Moines store where Trump and his bride registered, said, "They were just like any other guests who come through our doors, registering for things both practical and fanciful. They seemed particularly taken by the fact that there was actually furniture you could buy that wasn't already put together."

"Of course, there was one unusual thing about them," he added. "Most couples don't bring Apprentice winner, Bill Rancic to do their scanning for them."

Of the guests attending the wedding and reception, only Regis Philbin would agree to make a comment about the alleged slight against "The Donald" saying, "Target? I don't believe in guns."

In an official statement released by his publicist, Trump said, "Who among us wouldn't be disappointed if we didn't get that Isaac Mizrahi rice paper floral lamp that we asked for? But in this time of global tragedy, like the death of Johnny Carson, we realize that money sometimes originally earmarked for gifts must be spent on other things. We're not bitter. We'll just make up for it at Christmas."

Noted ettiquette expert, Lettia Gobonkyerhed, said that Mr. Trump should hold his anger for awhile. "After all, you have up to a year after the wedding to purchase a gift for the new couple."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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