NEW YORK (AP) Upon hearing news of the death of Johnny Carson, David Letterman went into a panic attack and had to be sedated by his physician. "Mr. Letterman is now completely unconscious and will not wake up until next Thursday," said the doctor.
Unnamed sources at Letterman's CBS 'Late Show' say that Dave had been relying on Johnny Carson's jokes ever since Carson retired from the NBC 'Tonight Show'. Word on the street is now that Jay Leno will step in and start supplying Letterman with enough jokes until he (Letterman) learns how to write a few himself. Letterman's producers are worried that Johnny Carson's death will mean that Letterman will have to at least temporarily tap into old Milton Berle and Bob Hope jokes. Shudder.
Everyone will be watching Dave Letterman very closely during the next several weeks to see if his eyes ever leave the teleprompter. Of course, it could very well turn out that Letterman will view Johnny Carson's death as a great opportunity to seize all of Carson's old routines -- even including 'Carnac the Magnificent'. Letterman audiences can also soon expect to see Dave leaping into the arms of Paul Schaeffer -- not a pretty sight.
CBS officials have signed up Dave Letterman for drumming lessons and magic lessons. "Behind the scenes, we are talking about changing the name of the show from the 'Late Show' to the 'Johnny Carson Show', but we probably should at least wait until Johnny Carson is put in the ground."
"In the future I see David Letterman
shamelessly ripping off all my material..."