Written by K.C. Bell
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Sunday, 3 April 2005

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The Oxro Clinic of Finland has contacted Brad Pitt announcing they have successfully made mothers out of guys. This one step procedure would produce a child in nine months without the need of Jennifer Aniston. Let her pursue her fledgling career. No need to throw the bride out with the bath water. All Pitt would require is a donor egg. Impregnation could occur with a nose drop or a handshake. Birth in nine months would follow through c section. Granted, there are a few side effects women have endured since Eve, like swollen ankles; increased waist size, weight gain, breasts, taking a train load of hormones, morning sickness, evening sickness, summertime sickness, and all the time sickness, but hey, you end up with a kid and the family you wanted Jennifer to produce. What's not to like?


Not willing to be ignored in the Brad Pitt expectation controversy and in competition with the Oxro Clinic of Finland, the Institute for Reproductive Possibilities on Tierra del Fuego, pioneers in T.S.P. (Trans Sex Parenthood) claim their procedure will produce a child and guarantee no post natal weight gain with the use of their vitamin enriched fruit shake. Waist size, however, is iffy. With their double train load of hormones, any man of any age from Brad Pitt to the Pope can have a child of his own and snap back to a thirty inch waist like a rubber band. Maybe.

In Paris, France, always at the forefront of fashion and design, Karl Lagerfeld has announced a new line of maternity clothing for men. This line could also be used by men with a weight gain problem. The new designs are in checks, stripes, plaids, labelled `Pop to Pop', will have a trendy runway strut and designed to be worn for several pregancies, should men feel comfortable with the experience of motherhood. Included is the added touch of male trivia: bold block size numbers on the chest and back, like a bulls eye, that number the count down from nine to one, signifying the month of pregnancy.

With the expected possibilities of male pregnancy, Jean Paul Gauitier, father of the torpedo bra worn by Madonna, has designed a nose mask as a popular new accessory for the male wardrobe, while International Harvesters, the real man's shop, have manufactured gloves lined in titanium.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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