OSLO, Norway - Cheryl Cole flew up to Norway on a promotional tour for her latest single and video "Parachute."
The music video was choreographed by her BFF Derek Hough, who also danced with Chezza in the dance number. The versatile Hough also played the bass guitar, the drums, the oboe, the mandolin, and the cow bell on the single.
Cheryl appeared on Norwegian Television and was instantly asked about her low-life, bottom-feeding, filthy fish of a husband Ashley.
Chezza said that Ashley had the nerve to text her saying that he will forgive her for being with Derek Hough if she will forgive him for being with [SEVEN FEMALE NAMES DELETED BY EDITOR].
Cherly laughed out loud and as she did the hem of her black miniskirt crept ever upward revealing a brand new tattoo on her gorgeous looking right thigh.
The interesting and rather inky tattoo depicts a strand of barbed wire. Cheryl was asked why she decided to get the tattoo. She smiled and said that it was an Easter gift from her fabulous friend Derek. Cheryl smiled and stated that she gave Derek a pair of red, white, and blue bunny rabbits (neutered and spayed).
When asked what exactly the barbed wire symbolized Chezza blushed and stated that the barbed wire means that no man, other than a certain blonde who is a fantastic dancer, can go beyond that piece of barbed wire.
Mrs. Cole said that she wants to make it perfectly clear that there is no man in Great Britain, France, Cabo San Lucas, Luxembourg, Norway, or Scotland, who even has the remotest of chances of sampling the wondrous wonderment that lies expertly tucked between her sensuous thighs.
Cheryl said that she has given her word to Mr. Hough that even though he may be in America thousands and thousands of miles away, her heart, her soul, and her tuzzy muzzy all belong to the dancing, debonair, Derek.
In other news. Simon Cowell has responded to rumors by saying that he is not leaving his fiancee Mezghan Hussainy for Kara DioGuardi. Cowell laughed and replied that Kara stuffs her bra with tissues and tissues of Kleenex whereas Mezghan stuffs her bra with her beautifully bloomin' boobs.