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Friday, 9 April 2010

image for Twilight Producers place Condom on Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson for 'Breakdancing Dawn'

Director Bill Condom has been placed to direct the next installment of the Twilight series featuring the onscreen offscreen neck suckers Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson.

Twilight is officially a franchise that follows the life and times of hormonic kids faced with the horror of growing up in Washington; State that is.

Utilizing the inexhaustible theme of Romeo and Juliet and the obvious rip off of the forgettable television series Wolf Lake (also staged in the Seattle area) the latest installment finds the two main characters married with children and facing the obvious dilemma of working for a living and being stuck with each other forever.

Rob plays the doting vampire who teaches his kids how to break dance on the streets of Seattle for quarters while Kristen works at a Starbucks fulltime as well as an all you can eat buffet frequented by ravenous wolverines to make ends meet. The lord of the wolverines, played by Hugh Jackman, is stricken by the now wretched Kristen and woos her with moon baying, teeth flashing, and pheromone enhanced dribble.

Kristen gives in and offers her children to the wolverines as some kind of sacrifice saying she can always have more and Rob is left heartbroken staring at the mirror trying to grasp his reflection. After being passed around by the wolverines Kristen returns to Rob, all teary eyed, and blames the affair(s) on him saying if he had turned her in the first place none of it would have happened. Rob agrees and then rips out her throat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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