LOS ANGELES - Eldrick Tont Woods, aka Tiger Woods, aka "The Dick With Feet" was in town to film his first commercial since GolfGate first broke on Thanksgiving Day of last year.
Woods who was dropped by no less than 17 advertisers and sponsors said that he was thrilled that The Lake Gitche Gumee Pharmaceutical Company was standing behind him.
The product is called Hurry Up and it is a viagra type of pill except for the fact that it is not swallowed, it is as big as a Concord Grape, and drum roll please...it is a suppository.
Woods said that he is only being paid $700 to film the commercial but he is doing it as a favor to the owners of The Lake Gitche Gumee Pharmaceutical Company Defoe and Calinda Fiddlestring, who donated $19,000 to his 'Scorecard Cutey Payout Fund.'
In the commercial Tiger is shown sitting down at the dinner table with a woman who appears to be his wife. Tiger finishes his meal and asks his wife what is for desert.
The blonde smiles, totally disrobes, and lays down on top of the table. Tiger looks at her and says, "Wow, that is very impressive hon, but what the hell is for desert?"
The blonde gets up and kicks him in the crotch. She then goes to the condiment cupboard and grabs a bottle of Hurry Up Pills. She opens the bottle, takes one out, and tosses it to Tiger telling him to get his ass in the bathroom and put the damn effen pill where the friggin' sun don't shine.
Tiger looks at her and asks, "Iceland?"
"No bitch" his wife yells. "Put it in Buttoslavakia.
In a non-related story. The rumors about Kanye West flying to Denmark to have a sex-change operation have been disproved. West apparently flew to Denmark to pick up some Danish pornography magazines along with a box of Cheese Danish and a Scandinavian male-order bitch.