Everybody's favourite boulder-breasted, horse-riding, wedding-addicted glamour model Katie Price today announced that she was pleased and honoured to be in a position to offer full support to the charitable foundation 'Hand Relief'
'Hand Relief' aims to offer support for victims of various debilitating conditions of the hands, such as Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Arthritis, Cobbler's Thumb, Snatch Disorder and Wanker's Cramp.
Disorders of the hands are thought to have curtailed the keyboard activities of many famous authors, such as William Shakespeare, Enid Blyton, Jeremy Clarkson, and Bargis Tryhol, the famous Spoof contributor, currently recovering from a fall after getting his feet tangled up in his unfettered penis at the top of a staircase.
Hand Attention Deficit Disorder is a slightly different condition which the 'Hand Relief' charity hope to be able to help alleviate. Noted sufferers of HADD include Maradona in the World Cup, Thierry Henry in the World Cup Qualifiers, and Frank Bruno, who notoriously couldn't gain adequate control of his hands in order to administer the coup de grace on a wobbling Mike Tyson in las Vegas.
Katie Price knows all about hand disorders, having married a man who breaks bricks and snowmen with his fists, and having employed a ghost writer who suffered from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. She told us:
"I'm proud to be a part of the Hand Relief team. It's our policy to make Hand Relief available to all people, all around the world. Our Mission Statement clearly states our determination to bring Hand Relief to those in desperate need at any hour of the day or night, in any location, no matter how remote. Hand Relief is a right which should be enjoyed by, and available to everybody."
Price's husband, cross-dressing cage fighter Alex Reid, told us:
"I'm glad Katie's now officially on board with such a prestigious organisation as 'Hand Relief.' Katie's been offering hand relief on her own initiative for years now, and I've often been a grateful recipient. Now she comes under the official umbrella of 'Hand Relief' there's no end to what she can achieve."
Ex-husband Peter Andre was more restrained with the plaudits, saying:
"I'm glad Katie's found a charitable outlet she can really get stuck into, and I wish her all the best. Although I can't help thinking that somebody, somewhere along the line, is taking the piss here."
More as we get it.