Written by KendoMonkey
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Saturday, 21 June 2003

image for Lonely-Hearts ads to become entirely acronyms
What does become of the lonely hearted?

Lonely-Hearts adverts that you may see at the back of any tabloid newspaper or magazine, are set to become even more cryptic. Many tabloid newspapers have released a statement to the effect that all adverts will become entirely acronym based, in order to save print space.

Examples of possible adverts were given in the Press Release we received: "VGL BF WLTM N/S M W/GSOH & OHAC", all of which apparently means: "Very good looking black female would like to meet a non-smoking male with a good sense of humour and owns his own house and car."

We decided to test the new system and asked a volunteer to create his own Lonely-Hearts ad. This was the result:

"M WLTM F 4 LOFAPS(UPO)" "Man would like to meet woman for loads of fun and possibly sex (unless post-op)"

The move is probably in bad judgement, and will leave many readers scratching their heads whilst staring at a page full of randomly selected letters -similar to TheSpoof's readers in that respect.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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