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Sunday, 4 April 2010

image for Cheryl Cole Proposes Girls Aloud Survival Package
The Bonkettes Give Not A Shit

With the future of Girls Aloud precariously hanging in the balance, our sources inform us that Cheryl Cole has come up with what she believes to be the perfect survival package, which will allow the band to move on together.

Since the girls took a year's hiatus in order to pursue solo activities, the likelihood of them ever getting back together as a working band seems more remote than ever, as each gets increasingly wrapped up in her own activities.

To this end, Cheryl Cole has allegedly proposed that the band rebrand themselves as Cheryl Cole's Girls Aloud.

Neutral observers believe that although the other four girls will object in the strongest possible terms to the rebranding initially, they will eventually warm to the idea.

It is envisioned that Cheryl Cole's Girls Aloud will find a niche performing on TV shows such as Alan Titchmarsh, Loose Women, and This Morning.

Lead singer of rival girl band The Bonkettes, BJ Swallow, told us:

"It makes no difference to us how much rebranding they do. As long as the holes in their arses point south, they'll never be any better than crap."

Cheryl Cole is still 5'3" and not 5'4" as reported in yesterday's edition of Skoob News. We apologise for any confusion or offence caused.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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