Written by queen mudder

Print this

Friday, 2 April 2010

image for Chloë Moretz shuns skanky Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens and Emma Watson career path
Moretz: irrational fears of the pervy rubber mack brigade

Atlanta, Georgia - (Jailbait!): "Gratuitous teenage nudity is so ageing, duh!" the thirteen year-old sensation of Matthew Vaughn's superhero film said today as critics hailed her foul-mouthed, gun-toting Kick Ass performance.

"Besides, I have this irrational fear of my fanbase reducing to pervy guys in rubber macks," the C-word actress explained.

"And that's just the studio bosses, the directors and procurers, er...producers!

"Hollywood these days! It's just bursting with skanky totems, burnt out early from the $$$s lure of a bared nipple.

"Anyway, my Mom reckons keeping (most of) your clothes on in public until you're 21 kinda keeps the audiences guessing!"

The Big Momma's House 2 and Amityville Horror star has vowed to shun tacky PR stunts that have 'ruined' pubescent stars like Miley, Vanessa and Emma before their time.

"Hollywood likes to fast-track up-and-coming starlets with boob jobs, lip plumping, bikini line facelifts," Moretz added.

"I like to think that my Hit Girl performance has all the makings of a classic screen legend career."

Dakota Fanning is sweet sixteen.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 5?

4 20 21 11
58 readers are online right now!

Go to top