Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 2 April 2010

image for Chloë Moretz shuns skanky Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens and Emma Watson career path
Moretz: irrational fears of the pervy rubber mack brigade

Atlanta, Georgia - (Jailbait!): "Gratuitous teenage nudity is so ageing, duh!" the thirteen year-old sensation of Matthew Vaughn's superhero film said today as critics hailed her foul-mouthed, gun-toting Kick Ass performance.

"Besides, I have this irrational fear of my fanbase reducing to pervy guys in rubber macks," the C-word actress explained.

"And that's just the studio bosses, the directors and procurers, er...producers!

"Hollywood these days! It's just bursting with skanky totems, burnt out early from the $$$s lure of a bared nipple.

"Anyway, my Mom reckons keeping (most of) your clothes on in public until you're 21 kinda keeps the audiences guessing!"

The Big Momma's House 2 and Amityville Horror star has vowed to shun tacky PR stunts that have 'ruined' pubescent stars like Miley, Vanessa and Emma before their time.

"Hollywood likes to fast-track up-and-coming starlets with boob jobs, lip plumping, bikini line facelifts," Moretz added.

"I like to think that my Hit Girl performance has all the makings of a classic screen legend career."

Dakota Fanning is sweet sixteen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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