Embracing the current trend in journalism where news whores and hasbeens strive mightily to get their Hollywood stars etched on the gutter outside Grauman's Ricky Martin announced his choice for a dance partner. "Terrell and I have so much in common; we were great once, we have no shame, we had great moves, and we both go deep."
Ricky was at a TUTU's R-US in town in order to promote Barney Frank's 'Leave no Child's Behind' initiative and to capitalize on recent publicity that stems from his coming out. "I am so excited about the challenge of performing on the worldwide stage with a disruptive washed up athlete who tears the heart out of every team he plays with. If I can spin Terrell around and we win this thing it will make me famous. Besides, I get to wear all those sexy costumes.
Dancing with the Stars has a history of inviting NFL players and particularly former Dallas Cowboys so we caught up with Mr. Owens to get his view. "I ain't dancing with that fool. If that cuffin faggot gets within a hundred miles of me I'll rip off his head. Wait, how much do that dancing gig pay?"
Moving along we pressed Ricky for a recent claim he made that would seriously jeopardize his new sexual orientation.
"I am not a spitter!" he spat "That was a quote that didn't go down the way I intended, I mean it came out wrong, I mean anyone that knows me would find it hard to swallow, I mean this is all blown out of proportion and I intend to place a gag order on anyone that prints such lies. I had some problems when I was an altar boy but that was a life time ago. Since then I have been through intensive therapy and when I first started out in the music business I won a Freddy Mercury Swallowship grant so these horrible rumors must stop."
Yes, the readership is used to a much higher standard so we agree with the editors of this article; it sucks.