AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock sits in the backyard deck of her Texas mansion and remarks that she is tired of acting like the good little wife.
The slim and trim Bullock has stated that she is sick of hearing all about tattooed labia majoras, greasy motorcycles, sweat, cheap ass whores, and Nazi memorabilia.
Bullock shook her head and said that her husband's "TattooGate" has effen destroyed her friggin marriage.
The Best Actress winner said that she is through acting the part of the hurt wife and has stated that she has hired one of the best lawyers in the womanizing field, Amanda Chickweed of the Houston law firm of Bopcutt, Coffeeberry, Fiesta, and Chickweed.
Chickweed has defended 892 women in divorce cases and she has won 891. The only one she lost was back in 1988, when the woman she was defending actually turned out to be a man and the case was thrown out due to habeas pro dicksofacto.
Bullock said that she cannot believe that she ever fell for a man who looks like someone you would see working at a carnival running Ferris wheels, tilt-a-whirls, and flop-a-knockers.
SIDENOTE: Sandra Bullock has reportedly confided in one of her best friends, 98-year-old Betty White, that if she ever gets married again, her new husband will not have any tattoos whatsoever and his skin will have to be just as smooth and as lovely as hers. Bullock smiled and added that he will also have to be hung like Jon "Mr. 3" Gosselin.