Katie Price has revealed she is to launch her own TV channel later this year as part of her global expansion plan.
Ms. Price exclusively revealed her brilliant plan to a room of yawning journalists:
"I'm fed up with having to be beholding to the media and I want full control of what's said about me. I ain't doing no interviews for no one else from now on. If you wanna know what I'm up to you'll have to watch KPTV. You won't see my gob in magazines or papers from now on. Woo!!! Hoo!!! Never underestimate The Pricey!!!"
The 24 hour channel will be presented by herself, her friends and her family. Viewers will be charged a subscription to watch as the channel will run no advertising, other than for her own products and merchandise.
Highlights of the KPTV daily schedule will include such engaging programmes as Breakfast at Priceys, How To Look Like KP, and her daily soap Provocation Street. There will also be regular news bulletins to keep viewers updated on what Katie is doing next.
No one could be bothered to comment.