TUCSON, Arizona - Jesse "The Tattooed Wiener" James has finally decided that the heat has gotten too hot in his "Crotch Kitchen" and he has decided to admit himself into a rehab clinic.
After looking in the Internet he finally found what he feels is the perfect place for him to get cured of his tattoo addiction.
The rehab clinic is located just outside of Tucson and is named The Desert Drawings De-Tattooing Rehabilitation & Senses Regaining Clinic.
The clinic was founded in 1988, by Parton and Parfait Packardbrinker, a couple that had been married for 30 years and who between them had a total of 492 tattoos.
Parfait admitted that her tattoo addiction got so bad that she ran out of tattoo space on her outer body and resorted to getting tattoos on her tonsils, ovaries, uvula, teeth, and lower intestine.
Parton said that he realized he had a problem when he got a tattoo of Paris Hilton on his tongue.
Jesse stated that he not only plans to get treatment to cure him of his urge to get more stupid-looking, nasty tattoos but he also wants to look into getting the gross-looking, nausea-inducing redneck attention seekers laserly removed.
When asked if he feels that by getting his tattoo addiction treated and by having his tattoos removed he will win back his wife, the Academy Award winner for Best Actress Sandra Bullock James looks down at his size 12D motorcycle boots and says "Yep."
SIDENOTE: Sandra Bullock has reportedly said that she is so fed up with her punk ass husband's womanizing ways that if he promised to get a damn sex-change operation she would not take the 'walking dick with feet' back.