Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 31 March 2010

image for The Rolling Stones Are Asked To Write A New Theme Song For "The Vampire Dairies"
The famous two-mile long Papaya Margarita Cave located just outside of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones were both vacationing down in beautiful, scenic, romantic Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, but not in a gay way, when Jagger received a phone call from Manolo Middlezuck, producer of the hit cable TV show The Vampire Dairies.

Middlezuck asked Jagger if he would like to write a new theme song for The Vampire Dairies which would replace the old one "The Mystic River Crop Rotation Hoedown."

He told him that he did not like the old song very much due to the fact that it did not have that many notes and as a result it sounded like a very simple grade school type song that someone like Jay Leno could have written.

Mick really got excited about the song idea and he told Middlezuck that he is a big fan of his show and he thinks that Vampire Dairies is even better than Desperate Housewives, The New Adventures of Old Christine, and Jersey Shore.

Jagger then said that he will write a song in keeping with the shows theme. He said that before he writes a song he always writes down some key words and so far he has written down the words, neck, suck, vampire, evil, sorceress, witch, bitch, Ann Coulter, suck, Transylvania, Pennsylvania, Chattanooga, suck, Chad Ochocinco, Wallachia, and Glenn Beck.

Richards said that he uses a kind of different approach to songwriting. He says that when Mick says "ey mate how aboot dis blimey word - suck." And Keith says "Sounds fookin gewd ta me mate."

Middlezuck asked Mick if he and the Rolling Stones would like to appear on the show and introduce the new theme from the Vampire Dairies. Jagger said that the lads would be honored.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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