Written by Morgan Truce
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Sunday, 25 September 2005

image for Aishwarya Rai to Appear on Jerry Springer !
"No kissing or hand holding for me!"

Deemed by millions as the World's Most Beautiful Woman, Aishwarya Rai burst upon the international stage when her striking beauty, poise and commanding intelligence won her the Miss World crown in 1994. She is the reigning Queen of Bollywood, the highest paid actress with her 30 films having been seen by millions.

Aishwarya Rai has already captured the interests of major US movie-makers and is excited about pursuing blockbuster productions, even though she accepts onscreen acts as timid as a kiss could provoke outrage in her native India. But Rai is hopeful she'll be able to collaborate with directors and scriptwriters in creating suitable alternatives to potentially raunchy - and offensive - scenes. Rai has said she's not too keen on the "anything goes" attitude of Hollywood to on-screen sex. In India kissing remains a no-no in films, where song and dance routines substitute for sex.

Spoof has learned that Aishwarya will test the waters in the US market by first appearing on some tasteful TV shows.

Roger Lodge, host of "Blind Date" --America's No. 1 TV dating humiliation show - said, "We've booked Aishwarya Rai to appear on a show segment where she will date Lorenzo -- a former stripper who wants to be a stay-at-home dad. He's tired of the superficial dating scene, but wants to form a love connection and score on the first date. We'll have to see how far he gets with Aishwarya."

Simone Sheffield, manager To Aishwarya Rai, was pleased to announce that Miss Rai would be appearing on a special version of "Jerry Springer: Too Hot For TV" episode where the beautiful actress will fight with a 380 pound woman in a trailer over some guy with a mullet, no teeth, and a 7th grade education.

Aishwarya says that she is thrilled for the chance to show her talent to such a discriminating audience. "I've heard some wonderful things about Jerry Springer. He told me that many of the actresses on his show go on to become great Hollywood screen stars. He promised me that no one would try and kiss me or rip off my clothes. I am still a bit confused about why I need bodyguards on his show, but I guess it will all work out OK. I hope so… my mother in India will be watching on the satellite!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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