CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Los Angeles - Today Ricky Martin announced... guess what? He's GAY! +
Elton John swooned, Patrick Harris swished, Ellen asked him to bend over and motioned with a cigar, and Clay Akin serenaded him.
Gay celebrities were cheering left and right. Well, more on the Left, and less on the Right, but yes, there were cheers.
Spontaneous parties broke out in the Houston Montrose Area, Dallas, San Francisco, Washington D.C, Miami, Boston, and New York. The celebrations were soon interrupted, though, when the Tea Party and Republican Party members got wind of the events.
The first fight broke out when a Tea Party member shouted, "Osama Obama is destroying our great country. He's turning it into a Communist Marxist Socialist Hitler Gay country!" A nearby Mary Cheney slugged the protester in the jaw, knocking him to the ground. Then, the fight was on!
Amid screams that "being gay prevents abortions" and shouts that "ho-mo-suxuals is gonna make us all die from the wrath of God," objects were being hurled, protest signs were being made, gay rights songs were being sung, fists were flying, and guys were lisping!
It seemed as if the fighting would never stop, but when Michael Moore pulled up in his tour bus and the gay dancers came out and did a can-can, everyone stopped and watched in awe. At the end of the dance, the heads of each group shook hands and came out dancing.
The biggest surprise of the event was when Harry Reid embraced Michael Moore and gave him a big wet kiss on the lips. The two were last seen getting in the tour bus and driving off into the sunset. Who says conservatives don't know how to party?