Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 29 March 2010

image for Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Selena Gomez, Kanye West, And Jesse James Take Home Kid's Choice Awards
Selena Gomez wondering how she can steal Joe Jonas away from Demi Lovato.

LOS ANGELES - There were more kids at UCLA's Paul Bunyan Pavilion for The 23rd Annual Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards than at a picnic outing of OctoMom, Brad and Angelina, Madonna, and Kate Gosselin's combined brood of brats.

The evenings host Kanye West not only introduced all of the nominees and winners, he actually stole the coveted orange blimp shaped trophies from Dylan Sprouse and Taylor Lautner.

When West tried to take the Best Male Singer Award from Jay-Z, the 40-year-old rapper from Brooklyn's rough Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood grabbed Kanye the Pest by the collar, spun him around, knocking him to the floor and he then proceeded to jump on Kanye's botoxed body including his Titanic-sized collagen-bloated lips.

Two security guards quickly rushed onto the stage and proceeded to jump on West and together with Jay-Z managed to take back Jay-Z's award and his wallet, his black book, (no pun intended) and his Glock 9 handgun as well.

The shows director quickly went to a commercial. When the show resumed the TV viewing audience was shown a video of Kanye West being led into a LAPD squad car with his hands handcuffed behind his back.

The next presenter George Lopez remarked, "Ah guys, gals, and little kids, da black brother dat was here a while ago is no longer here. It seems dat the black vato (dude) aka Kanye the Pest just refuses ta learn dat ju just can't go around stealing others peoples shit like you're sitting in some Detroit ghetto."

Lopez went on to say, "The bro is lucky as turkey shit dat he did not get himself shot pulling a stunt like dat. If dis was East L.A. da homies (homies) would have grabbed da (N WORD DELETED BY EDITOR) hung him upside down from an overpass and turned him into a hip hoppin' human piƱata...just sayin' peeps."

George Lopez, whose family was in the maracas business down in Cabo De Las Chichotas, Mexico, went on to say that taking a microphone away from a sweet, little, skinny-ass crackerette like Taylor Swift is one thing. But taking an award from a big brother like Jay-Z is another thing all together.

Lopez continued by saying that Kanye the Pest has a history of pulling shit like that. Shortly after the Taylor Swift microphone incident he called Britney Spears a pantiless-snatchburger flasher and tried to steal both of her sandals.

And earlier tonight he took the orange blimp awards away from Dylan (Sprouse) and the other Taylor, the guy Taylor (Lautner) and said that he was taking them down to a pawn shop in West Covina."

Lopez grinned and said "Yes, folks da lip-swollen, nappy-headed punk went and messed in it when he tried ta take brother Jay-Z's award.

Well da (N WORD DELETED) found out damn quick dat he can't just be taking no award from some other (N WORD DELETED BY EDITOR) and not get his (N WORD DELETED BY EDITOR) ass kicked from L.A. to Cucamonga."

Other Kids Choice Award winners included Selena Gomez who won the Best Television Actress Kids Award for her role on the Youngster Network show The KKK Grand Wizards of Waverly Place.

Taylor Swift won the Kids Choice Award for Best Female Singer, which is the 127th music award she has won so far this year.

Taylor Lautner won the Best Male Movie Star Kids Award for his portrayal of Count Numeristico in the vampire movie, Count Numeristico - The Transylvania Baron of The Oceanic Shadows.

Kanye West won the Stupidest Song Kids Choice Award for his hip hop rap song "I Don't Cotton Fa No One Ta Be Callin' Me By Da Name Kanye Da Pest Ya Hear."

Sandra Bullock's soon to be ex-husband Jesse James won the Kids Choice Award for Grown Man Having The Ugliest Looking Tattoo. Jesse could not be there in person but he sent a video which showed him changing the oil on one of his motorcycles.

Jesse addressed the Kids Choice Award Show audience. "Hey listen up kids. This is Jesse James talkin' at ya. I just want to give y'all some advice. Don't do what I do. Do what I don't do. And if you don't do what I done did then you will do good, doo dah, doo dah, doo dah day."

And last but not least the Kids Choice Award for Best Cartoon Short went to SpongeBob Square Pants for the cartoon short titled, SpongeBob Square Pants Gets An Interesting Stirring In The Crotch Region of His Pants.

To see very explicit photos of Britney Spears cute little knicky knacky log on to www.britneyspearsvaginashots.wow

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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