BANDA ACEH, Indonesia (AP) Publicity shy Paris Hilton is making a low-key effort to help the survivors of the recent tsunami that hit South Asia. Few people know that Paris Hilton is a trained nurse and volunteers regularly at hospitals all around the world.
"I enjoy helping these unfortunate victims of the tsunami," said Paris. Some of the men seem anxious to hold my hand… and a few even reach out for me. Isn't that sweet? I really don't mind trying to comfort these men in any way I can!"
"I chartered a luxury jet just as soon as I heard about the terrible tsunami. I have it packed with all my favorite things from home. The plane's galley and cabin serve as my home away from home. You know, there isn't a Hilton Hotel anywhere near this God forsaken place."
"I go over to the makeshift hospital every morning at 11AM sharp and volunteer my services. By noontime, I'm ready to go back to my jet and grab a meal before spending the afternoon shopping and sightseeing. I'm disappointed that there are so few sights worth looking at any longer…. It's kind of ugly actually, but the people are very nice to me."
Government spokeswoman Tara de Mel said, "We are delighted to have Paris Hilton working in our hospital. Several of our doctors have said that they enjoy working ‘closely' with her. She does bring some unique talent to our aid relief efforts. I saw with my own eyes how she comforted a patient who recently lost his wife in the flooding… that man was actually smiling when she finished with him."
At the White House, President George W. Bush said, "I want to thank all the big movie stars for making such generous donations to the tsunami relief effort. I would like to single out Paris Hilton for her personal efforts. I know how comforting a visit from Miss Hilton can be… she even visited me a few times down in Crawford while Laura was reading to kids at the local library. Next month, Dick Cheney is going to let me travel to In-do-NEEE-sia, and I hope I see Paris Hilton a few times on that trip.