Written by Abel Rodriguez
Print this

Monday, 29 March 2010

image for X-Factor's Dannii Minogue To Be Replaced By Vanessa Perroncel
A recent photo of Vanessa Perroncel who has been a fan of X-Factor since it began. (Photo courtesy of John Terry).

LONDON - Simon Cowell has announced that he has nothing against pregnant women, but he does have something against a pregnant woman who just happens to be a judge on his highly successful TV reality show X-Factor.

Cowell, who is engaged to former Afghani freedom fighter Mezhgan Hussainy, even though you would not really know it the way that he flirts, fiddles, and fipplefooks with fellow American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi, is facing quite a dilemma.

The founder and CEO of 19th Hole Productions knows that the 'getting fatter everyday' Dannii Minogue will be having her baby in July right in the middle of the X-Factor competition.

Cowell knows that Dannii will not be able to put up with the stress that being a judge on the show entails. He quickly added that for instance Louis Walsh can be quite a sarcastic piece of Koala rubbish and he has been known to actually hit and kick his fellow judges Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue when they have called him names such as Aussie arse, Australian sissy, and down under piece of kangaroo shit.

X-Factor host Dermot O'Leary was asked what he thought about Dannii Minogue being replaced. He grinned and said, "Well mate, lemy see. Dannii is 'xpectin' intshe? And 'er stoomick will be poochin out like a big gob of industrial butter whoanit? And crikeys she did make sum smart arse gay remock 'bout Danyl Johnson last year dinshe?"

O'Leary was told to shut his fookin' mouth and try and see if maybe this year he can start wearing deodorant unlike last year when he didn't and as a result he managed to stink up the entire bloomin' X-Factor stage.

The shows producer Agustus Whittingstall said that his main concern is having Dannii's water break during the shows telecast and having some contestant slip on the baby water and then turning around and hiring a barrister (attorney) and filing a lawsuit against the X-Factor for injuries, trauma, and embarrassment.

Whittingstall said that he has suggested to Cowell that he hire Vanessa Perroncel to replace Minogue. He smiled and said that there are four different and blimey damn good reasons for hiring the biatch.

One is Perroncel's left tit, two is Perroncel's right tit, three is Perroncel's badonkadonk, and four is Perroncel's French fillet o' fish.

Simon reverted to his British accent and said, "Look, Augie, if I may be hunest...I fookin agree wiff ya crazy Birmingham butt remarks ya blitherin' bloke of a Brit bastid."

To see some amazingly graphic photographs of Vanessa Perroncel log on to www.wowphotosofvanessaperroncel.sex

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 plus 5?

8 18 23 7
39 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more