Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 27 March 2010

image for Sharon Osbourne Gets New Dog - Ozzy Goes Ballistic!
A Dog Straining Its Neck Yesterday.

Sharon Osbourne - that woman out of 'Somebody's Got Talent' - bought a new dog today on a trip out to Venice Beach. We're told that Sharon spotted the mutt in a pet store window and decided there and then that she just had to take it home with her.

The pooch, a snappy little thing which yaps quite a lot was a breed which we didn't recognise, and it seemed not too bothered whether or not it left the pet store with Sharon or stayed where it was. So she took it anyway.

Upon arriving home, Sharon rushed up to Ozzy's den to show off her latest acquisition to her husband. Ozzy apparently took one look at the mutt, buried his head in his hands and mumbled something about a 'canal' or similar.

Ozzy then went on to tell Sharon that the last bloody thing he wanted at this point in his life was another frigging dog. Understandably upset by her beloved husband's boorish attitude, Sharon retreated to the bedroom with the dog, while Ozzy ranted and raved for a full two minutes in protest at having yet another dog in the house.

A friend of Ozzy's explained to us that it wasn't so much that Ozzy dislikes dogs, rather that he dislikes the way Sharon slobbers over them, and the way that they repay her undying devotion to them by shitting all over the house and garden. The friend chuckled when he told us that Ozzy's latest catchphrase is: "Sharon! The shit-factory's straining its fucking neck again!"

Which loosely translated from the Brummie means: "Darling! The hound is about to lay another soft boiled egg on the carpet! By jove!"

The latest news we have is that Sharon and Ozzy are still on speaking terms. Just...

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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