ORLANDO - The Tiger Woods family maid Paprika Latibia Madison stated that Tiger emailed Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse "Have I Got Some Nads Or What?" James with a six word email that really and truly said it all, "Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
Miss Madison said that she had not seen Eldrick Tont (Tiger) this happy since that night back in October, when he met Mariah Carey after a concert in Pensacola and he accidentally rubbed up against both of her off-black cantaloupes.
Pap Smear, as Elin Nordigren teasingly calls her, said that up until a few days ago, Tiger had been wishing and hoping for something like a hurricane, an earthquake, or a California Prison riot to take the focus off of him and his "Golf Gate" shenanigans.
Mr. Woods reportedly called up his Mississippi rehab center personal physician Dr. Turner Elderflower and told him that this is exactly what he had been hoping for to take the spotlight off of him.
Dr. Elderflower stressed to Tiger that he still has to focus on not allowing "Little Tiger" to go and get all excited and want to jump into some good looking white gal like he's done so many times before.
The doctor told Tiger that thanks to Jesse James and his "TattooGate" it will help to knock him (Tiger Woods) right off of the 'Front Page."
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