HOLLYWOOD - NFL reporters, writers, and critics alike are all in agreement that the Cincinnati Bengals' Chad Ochocinco scored a touchdown, or actually three TDs on Dancing With The Stars.
"El 85" danced with the sexy-looking two-time DWTS champion Cheryl Burke and scored three sixes for a total of 18 points which put him in a tie for sixth place with Shannen Doherty.
After their performance the English judge Len Goodman, who admits to once dating Joan of Arc's daughter Penelope, said that Oh Joe Sink (sic) reminded him of a diamond except covered in soot, muck, and dog poo.
Goodman said, "Hey mate, ya needs ta do better'n 'at if ya plans ta impress me cause I can tell dat ya feets are in it, but jur heart ain't and it, tis obvious innit?"
Ochocinco looked at host Tom Bergeron and whispered, "Tommy, what the eff did the damn old British sissy just say?"
"Ah, Chad, I think it was something or other about your mama wearing flip flops made out of Kleenex tissue."
Ochocinco let go of his partner Cheryl and started walking towards Goodman. Bergeron stopped him and told him that hitting Len was not worth going to jail for.
Chad stopped. He pointed at Goodman, gave Bergeron a fist bump, and he kissed Cheryl Burke on her cleavage, which elicited an "Ahhhh" from the Filipino judge Carrie Ann Inaba and an "Mmmm" from the Italian judge Bruno Tonioli.
In other news. The FBI is looking into charges by the state of Wyoming that the New England state of Vermont rounded up over 700 homeless people, gave each one $15, put them in U-Haul trailers, and drove them to Wyoming.