WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States House passed The Health Care Bill by a vote of 219 to 212. After months and months of fighting, yelling, screaming, hollering, and backstabbing, (and that was just in the bathrooms), the monumental bill has been passed.
President Obama says that he will sign it immediately before someone finds some loophole that would cause it to go back for modification.
The president told Vice-President Biden, "Joey, dis here fantastic event calls for a special celebration. In a little while I want ya to go out ta da White House garage and gets my car and you and I will take us a drive over ta Hank's Hamburger Hut on Louisiana Avenue. And Joey, you cute-lookin' little Delaware son-of-bitch, I be buying dis time, you bought da last time."
Biden was so happy he could not stop grinning. He said that this will be the first time in two weeks that he gets to leave his office. His personal assistant said that the vice-president told her that he was as happy as a mosquito at a fat farm.
The president was so excited that he even called up his mother-in-law and told her to ask Michelle to give her $10 and to go out and buy herself something pretty.
He then called Michelle, aka the First Mama, and he told her to get herself all dolled up because later on he was going to take her over to KFC, and buy her the biggest damn chicken wings they make.
Brobama, as Rev. Al Sharpton calls him, then told Michelle that he had not forgotten his promise to her that whenever the Health Care Bill passed that he was going to give her an extra special lovemaking session, which would include Frank Sinatra singing in the background, red roses scattered throughout the foreground, and his presidential 'wiggle worm' all over her fine-looking first mama 'wonky wonk.'
The president was reminded by the White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax that Rush Limbaugh had stated on his radio program back on January, 13, 2010, that if the Health Care Bill ever passed that he would pack up all of his GOP shit and move to Germany.
President Obama smiled like the Chicago cat that swallowed the Cleveland canary and said, "Cal, get Mr. Limbaugh on da phone fa me."
"Yes sir Mr. President. Right away sir."
Colfax handed the president the red presidential phone.
"Yo Rushy. Obama here. Hey, how da hell are ya, ya big fat tub of Mrs. Tucker's lardass honkie?
Good. Dat's good. I'm glad ta hear dat jur diarrhea wasn't of da contagious kind. Say I just be calling ya ta lets ya know dat I will be sending da Mayflower Moving folks over ta your house so dat dey can load all of your shit up and take it down to da harbor where it will be placed on a ship bound for Germany.
No, it's really no problem Limby. My pleasure. And say hello ta President Horst "Liverwurst" Koehler for me. You're welcome. Adios chump."
SIDENOTE: President Obama confided to Larry King that Nancy Pelosi got so excited when the Health Care Bill passed that she peed while standing in front of the podium. Obama laughed and said that lucky for her that morning she had inserted a second pantiliner into the gusset of her size 12 panties.