Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 22 March 2010

image for Amy Winehouse Alleges That Jesse James Touched Three of Her 37 Tattoos
Amy's index finger which she cut while picking her nose. (NOTE: Have you seen her nose? It puts Durante's to shame).

LONDON - Amy Winehouse recently performed before a special gathering of retired Buckingham Palace guards at Toby's Tavern and Crumpet Bistro in Orpington.

The much tattooed singer was asked what she thought about Oscar-winning actress Sandra Bullock's husband reportedly having a bit of a 'go' at one Michelle "The Bombshell" McGee.

Winehouse replied that she knows McGee and has actually chit chatted with her in regards to her abundant tattoos which Amy guessed to be over 200.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The actual number is 212.]

Amy said that she found Miss McGee to be quite self-centered and egotistical. She stated that she has a tattoo on her stomach that reads, "Trophy Girl."

Wino, as her ex-husband calls Winehouse, said that talking to McGee is sort of like talking to Paris Hilton except for the 212 tattoos, the humongous honker, and the 17th century teeth.

Winehouse noted that the conceited bitch also has the words "For Rent" tattooed on her bikini line in big bold gold glitterized Verdana font letters.

Miss Winehouse was asked about the rumor that has been circulating throughout the United Kingdom, Bosnia, and Bolivia that she had a bit of a 'romp' with Jesse (James) herself.

Amy turned shocking pink and said that what actually happened was that she met Jesse, last September at a motorcycle fair in Ipswich and he flirted with her a little bit and ended up actually physically touching three of her 37 tattoos.

When told that it was really no big deal, she grinned and said, "Well, maybe not normally, but the bloke he touched me tattoos with his blithering blunderbluss (i.e. taco tickler)."

In related news. Because of the continuing embarrassment Sandra Bullock has cancelled TV appearances on Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Wheel of Fortune, and England's Dancing On Ice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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