Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 20 March 2010

image for Robert Pattinson P*ssed Off
A Live Mule Who Has So Far Escaped Pattinson's Attention Hiding Out Yesterday.

While Twilight might have been a good thing for one Robert Pattinson, it's been nothing but a royal pain in the ass for Robert Pattinson, the mule skinner from Hooligan's Bluff, Tennessee.

The other Robert Pattinson, who lives in a trailer at the Hoocheekoochie Trailer Park with his common law wife Sue-Ellen Smegmaboard has lived a life of abject misery since his namesake got famous.

Pattinson complained that his phone never stopped a ringing and that it was always hysterical teenage girls or creepy gay guys on the other end of the line, and that he was missing out on lucrative mule skinning jobs because the people who wanted mules skinning couldn't get through on the phone so he was losing out on a lot of potential income because of the Twilight freaks.

Pattinson has also been the subject of complaints from fellow trailer park residents because of kids hanging around dressed up as vampires and trying to bite law abiding citizens on the neck with their dime store fangs.

The mule skinning Robert Pattinson told us that he'd even written a letter to the vampire acting Robert Pattinson asking him if he'd be so kind as to please change his name because the mule skinning business was being shot all to hell, but had only received a signed photograph in return.

The mule skinning Robert Pattinson couldn't really say much more to us because he was going up to the pole dancing bar with his good buddies Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and Zac Efron.

Pitt the pool cleaner that is - and Depp the janitor, and Efron the gas jockey. The quartet have been approached by the Springer Show to talk about sharing their names with famous people and hope to be on the air in late June.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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