Written by Abel Rodriguez
Print this

Saturday, 20 March 2010

image for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Sign To Star In "Oops - The Jesse James and Sandra Bullock Story"
Kristen was told that the Tower Big Ben was named after Ben Franklin and she took it hook, line, and second hand.

LONDON - Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were in London taking in the sights. London native Pattinson was showing Kristen Big Ben, the clock tower, not 6 foot 11, Ben Clutterbuck who used to be the goalie for Chelsea.

Kris who is not exactly the brightest color in the rainbow asked Spunky, as his close friends and relatives call him, how many double A batteries does the big old clock take.

Spunky tried not to laugh and replied that it does not take any double A batteries at all but that it instead takes about 200 D batteries.

She smiled and said that hopefully the queen has a battery charger. Spunky nodded his head affirmatively.

The two were asked if they had any upcoming movies. Pattinson said that just that morning they had both signed the contract to star in the British Manor Pictures film Oops - The Jesse James and Sandra Bullock Story.

Pattinson was asked what he thought about the big mess that Jesse James appears to have found himself in. Rob turned to the side and said that he cannot understand how JJ could do that to his dear sweet wife.

He went on to say, for goodness sakes, she just won the Best Actress Academy Award. Kris chimed in "And do you know how many actresses win that award in one year?"

"Ah...one Kris."

"That's right. One."

"Ah Rob, this so called 'Bombshell' woman that Jesse is alleged to have boinked; have you see her."

Pattinson answered that he had and that the skank must have over 200 tattoos on her body. When told that she actually has 212, he smiled and said that he heard that some of her tattoos had tattoos.

Kristen then chimed in and said that it is her understanding that some of her tattoos overlap other tattoos.

Rob rolled his eyes choosing to kind of try and ignore what Kris had said.

"Hey, did ya hear what I just said about some of her tattoos actually overlapping other ones?"

Pattinson nodded that he had. He then told the reporter that he was sorry but that they had to get going because next he was going to take Kristen to Windsor Castle and he knew that he will most certainly be having to explain to her why it looks so darn friggin old.

In a non-related story. Sarah Palin has finally answered a question that a lot of men and women have both wondered about for sometime. Does she wear a jock strap when she goes big game hunting up in Alaska? "Snowflake" Palin told Wolf Blitzer that she does and yes it is a camouflaged jock strap.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 5?

9 12 20 8
55 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more