Written by Lankman
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Friday, 19 March 2010

image for Sonia 'likeness' discovered in deepest Wales
Where's the marmite?

A misguided family are thanking their lucky stars twice over this morning after a competition brought nationwide attention to what hacks are calling a Natalie Cassidy 'lookalike'

Wynnedo Lleyker, 36, won the 'Do you have a yeast affection?' contest, hosted by Marmite, after submitting a photo of herself, having absorbed a 125g jar of the material in one sitting

Sonia lookalike boasts face and remains of jar

After the customary three weeks off work, and a further four weeks back at work, the slack-chopped toast tormentor was ecstatic when the pedlars of the yellow-topped salt vehicle rang to say she'd won the prize of becoming a feature in their next press release

Wife partner, Calvin Zeta-Jones (no relation), was livid when he discovered the Marmite was all gone and threatened to send her down to her mam's, in what he assures us was an uncharacteristic spell of distemper fuelled by low blood salt levels

However, the sated breakdown survivor conceded, "The funny thing is… the bleeder … the lovely… my beautiful wife still hasn't replaced the jar! What she's playing at I've no idea but it makes my blood boil :-s [sic]"

However, when he heard that his beloved had won the competition, and had won a prize as a bonus, he was over the moon. "We've ploughed our life savings into acting like Natalie Cassidy classes. If I just keep up the positive thinking our hospital bill worries will be a thing of the past"

Communications expert, Claz Mifford spouted his expert opinion down the prattle pipe, "Serving up Wynnedo as a lookalike yeasthog is a bizarre spin on the usual shit the Marmite press office churns out around this time of year"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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