Written by Lankman
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Topics: John Barrowman

Friday, 19 March 2010

image for John Barrowman dyes, aged 43

John Barrowman, the Beeb's light entertainment luminary, has dyed (his hair). The Glasgow born fart-throb enjoyed a healthy birthing back in the sixties but was shocked to learn of major pigment failure a "couple of years ago".

The Radio Times pin-up boy had managed to keep his drab thatch a secret until an interview with a trade magazine forced him to change the subject after a string of awkward questions about when he was going to find a "nice young lady".

Of course, at the Spectacle, we all knew he was grey.

As for the shaky claim that John is the shortest Barrowman, well the Guinness World Records could not be reached at time of publication. However the claim was validated by his Nan after consulting the biro-scratched log of family heights on the rim of her kitchen door.

"If I'm to be completely honest to myself, I did have my fears when he sneaked a Grecian [2000] upstairs after a late night picnic on the Common. We wouldn't have minded if he'd just been honest and told us he was a grey", Nan Barrowman said, visibly upset to a degree that betrays her supportive prose.

With the truth no longer a 'pigment' of our imagination, Barrowman and his family hope that having addressed the 'bald' facts of this 'hairy' issue they 'comb' put all the rumours to rest (This doesn't work: reconsider, Ed.).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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