Having sneaked into the country overnight, Pope Benedict XVI got down to the studio to practice his routines, beginning with, "Live From Vatican City Moved To New York, It's Me, The Pope!"
"I just found out that the popemobile has a Toyota motor. I wish someone had told me that before I drove it into New York City and it went wild."
The Pope then stated that he had been an hour late after giving the last rites to ten different people in Central Park.
"At least they have this old weary life to put behind them. I told the families, don't sue us, sue Toyota. We've got nearly 10,000 lawsuits against us in court now."
Other guests Saturday night will be Rosie O'Donnell!
"Rosie O'Donnell?' yelped the Pope. "She'll be dragging me off stage by the back of the neck like that tiger in Las Vegas!"
The Pope did practice his routine.
"The last time I came to the US, I visited the White House and there was a 21-gun-salute. Apparently they do it one at a time here. Plus it was the VP... who kept firing. Blew my headpiece off. It looked like a dead fish head..or was it, Gilbert Godfrey?"
For the rest you will have to tune in.