Twilight stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have announced that they will no longer be appearing in pointless news items, misleading stories, and insubstantial fabrications - as of now.
"It's all gotten to be a little too much," Kristen told us. "People are just using our names to attract attention. Even the most minor of occurrences are being exploded out of all proportion, and the worst of it is that if they have nothing to report on, they just make it up."
"Kristen's right," Pattinson echoed. "There have been stories published about us which, despite being complete fabrications, have resulted in entertainment websites getting into wars of words over the veracity of what's been reported. It's just bad for us and we don't need it. It just saps our credibility when so much crap is written about us."
Kristen agreed, adding that stories about the couple being kidnapped by pirates, starring in a remake of 'The Exorcist', having their lives endangered in LA, and of accusing Rob of bestiality with his dog were just plain stupid.
"Some of the stories were mildly amusing," Pattinson told us. "But for the most part they were just crappy attempts to exploit our names. I just wish that these so-called satirists would leave us the hell alone - or better still, crawl under a rock someplace and die."
Upon concluding this interview, Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart revealed exclusively to us that they were considering stripping for the cameras in an all nude movie to be titled 'Bonnie And Clyde Get Naked And Jiggy In The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas.'
More as we get it.