"Why does all the shit have to happen to me?", asked a sour-faced Amy Winehouse Monday. "I wear fake long nails and not paying attention, I wind up in the hospital where it took them 45 minutes to get the thing out."
Actually, she was lucky it didn't do more damage than it did, according to a surgeon that worked on her.
"Those false fingernails are an inch long. She could have wound up with some brain damage...some MORE brain damage", stated Dr. Howard Funk. "She's not the first person this has ever happened to, you know."
When Winehouse overheard this remark she asked why people like Angelina Jolie or Miley Cyrus never get into these situations?
"It's always me. I'll probably be wiping my ass and a fingernail...no that's already happened. But that didn't take a doctor. Just a lot of enemas and things like that."
As we left, Amy was trying to think up some ways to anonymously phone in that Angelina Jolie has just fell backwards on a model of the Empire State Building.
"I bet that would tear her a new one!"