Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

image for Elton John and Cheryl Cole Agree To Open Up An Exotically Erotic Restaurant In Soho
A golden fondue cooker valued at $34,000 which Sir Elton has donated to his and Cheryl's new restaurant.

SOHO, England - Sir Elton John and Cheryl Cole, have stated that they will be opening up an exotically exotic restaurant in downtown Soho hopefully by summertime.

Sir Elton said that he and Cheryl have talked about it for the past year. But they had put it on the backburner because of the marital bullsh*t that Cheryl has been going through.

He went on to say that her soon-to-be-ex-husband Ashley the Arse was not able to keep his black wiggle worm in his shorts on at least five different occasions.

Elton recently told Kay Burley, of Afternoon News Live that he personally knows about 1,950 good-looking, sexy, rich straight guys who would jump at the chance to sleep in the same bed with Chezza.

Sir Elton has recently been providing Mrs. Cole with both of his effeminate shoulders which she has used to cry on.

In fact, Cheryl so cherishes her relationship with Sir Elton that she recently revealed to her good friend Simon Cowell that if Elton was 30 years younger, better looking, and of course not gay, she would consider perhaps hitching up with the singin' bloke.

John recently revealed to the very pregnant X-Factor judge Dannii Minoque that as far as he is concerned Ashley Cole has got to be the dumbest sports twit, or even just plain twit in the entire United Kingdom, including Penzance and Falmouth.

The flamboyant singer went on to say that if he was not of the gayish persuasion and was a male who had a fondness for the ladies he would jump on Cheryl's 5 foot 3 inch sweet little body so fast he would look like a Los Angeles Laker going after a loose basketball.

The elder English singer said that he has always said that there were three women in the world who could make him become 'ungay.' The first is of course little "Chezza" Cole, followed by the very Jewish Barbra Streisand and the extremely Canadian Shania Twain.

The sir was asked about his and Cheryl's new restaurant. He said that it is going to be named after a pet name that his partner (and husband) David Furnish calls him, The Queen of Hearts; The Queen of Hearts Restaurant and Bistro.

John said that the restaurant will serve many of his favorite dishes including Roasted Pheasant Marinated in First Degree Tabasco Sauce, Parbroiled South Pole Penguin Simmered in North Atlantic Diet Sea Water, and Exotic Enchiladas Engulfed in Gulf of Mexico Female Shrimp Soup.

Cheryl said that two of her favorite dishes will also be included on the menu. Those two items are Sweet and Sour Tuna Fish Lips Dipped in Mustardized Mayo and Crumpets A La Alfredo, which is her all-time favorite.

On Saturday nights the restauant will showcase well known artists who will perform in the restaurant's exclusive I've Got Your Back Back Room. The first performer that will be featured will be none other than the infamous SuBo herself, Susan Boyle.

In related news. The 60s British singing sensation Petula Clark, who is believed to be about 97 or 99 has agreed to perform at Sir Elton John and Cheryl Cole's Queen of Hearts Restaurant and Bistro the second week after it opens for business.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.



Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.




Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 2?

3 8 24 20

Go to top